I wish I could punch you in the face.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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