gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize