Jerry, you need to find god
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
