Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
