I wish my penis had an off switch
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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