I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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