Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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