Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Vodka?
Forever.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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