you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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