Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
