i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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