i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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