I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
