A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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