do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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