It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
