I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
this will be a night to untag.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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