this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
