whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Everything about him screamed your future.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
