The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize