for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
