Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
