Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
