Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize