Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
