you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
