Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
