My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
