I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
