Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
