the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
