I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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