Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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