I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
