so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
