ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
