I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
