apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
