shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm really busy with my period
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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