If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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