Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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