I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
