Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
