He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
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