I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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