I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
