He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
