I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
