oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
