so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
