Where did you get a picture of my penis
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
