What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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