i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
