Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
