Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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