I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
