I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
