a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
