i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
