She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
