My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
