happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
