Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
