Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
