and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I heard we made out
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
