I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
