please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
