Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
