I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
