he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
